ramblings at night

You know there is no more time in the day when even Yuna stops blogging at 3 or 4am in the mornings every morning. I'm going through that weird state of mind where I want to sleep, feel the need to sleep, but refuse to sleep on account of not wanting to face another day. I'm so close to finishing my project to redecorate my cubicle. So far, I have gathered and edited around 300 pictures...roughly. In the total of 420 shots, all of my 300+ friends from around the world are present. It is going to look amazing! Either that or...it'll look like a scene from A Beautiful Mind :-P But whatever, it's going to look great. Whenever I think of all of you guys, my friends, etc. I remember why I do what I do. Hardships, heart aches, laughter, joy, sorrow...they are just things that strengthen friendships and bring so many more wonderful memories. Love all of you.
Am just trusting God now, day in and day out. Trusting God for what? Life. Just leaning on Him. It's hard waiting, sitting, going through the proverbial tides of the day. low tide we head to work, high tide we come home. It's just this routine of in and out, in and out. But it doesn't matter cause what matters is that we are workign for God. The Bible says that in everything we do, we do it for the glory of God and that whoever we work for, we must work as though for the Lord and not for man, because we are accountable and serving only God. Thsi means in school, review classes, summer classes, ministry, etc, etc, etc, we must give our best and see God there in front of us as we work each day. He is the one who renews our strength, yeah? Soar like eagles.
there's this one song by a band called Furthermore called Letter to Myself. I thnk I posted the lyrics here somewhere. It's such a sad song. But at the same time, it oddly carries such a happy memory. It was around the same time that I listend to it as when I read the second to last issue of the comic saga known as 52. Just, it's been practically a year. Kind of funny how you can come full circle. Camp reunion again and Iron Man coming.
Alright, i'm rambling. Night night.

Live your love

"I'm listening to a new song from heaven
I'm wide awake, yet dreaming of You
Though I'm not alone
I'm desperate without You
I see your mercy
Lord You are holy
I want to be more like You

Teach me to live Your love
Help me to give Your love
Show me Your way
Lord I'll obey
Your word and live Your love

I stand in awe, grateful remembrance
Press towards the goal
For the prize I must win
I've got my eyes focused upon You
Show me Your beauty
Cause Lord it's your goodness that makes me more like You

Holy wind, blow fresh
Your fire anew
Come breathe on my soul
Let my heart be for You
I've witnessed the light
And the power of Your might

Teach me to live Your love
Help me to give Your love
Show me Your way
Lord I'll obey
Your word and live Your love"

Brand New Day

Brand new day, brand new week. Going to completely remodel my cubicle. It's been too long since I've done that, so I'm going to sit down and probably download a ton of pics of friends in teh states and sift through the pics of friends here to use. Once I have them together then, I don't know, we'll see how it comes together. My wall will either look downright amazing or it will just be kind of blah. Lol. Until then :-) If anyone has any pics they really like of themselves that they'd want me to put up in my cubicle, send them to markymarker@gmail.com. Lol. Weird!

Pick up your cross...

Job said, after losing his family, his friends, his house, his animals, his servants, etc..."The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." How can we be like this? I remember I've been always talking about all these metaphors like stepping out of a boat and what not to walk on water. Well, just like me, Peter sank in the water, but this is why I must grab on to Jesus. Have to hold on to Him, follow Him, and be with Him above all. I shouldn't look at the world around me and get lost in it. It's so easy to succumb to sadness when things don't go the way we want them to. But the thing is that it is God's plan. Who is God ba? God is the one in control and He only gives us what is good. Therefore, why are we to complain? How can we tell God, "God, you are not fair!" We can't. "God, I've been serving you for years and years, giving up everything I've wanted for you, why?" But you see, the thing is that we must realize that if we accuse God of not being fair, it means that we expect God to be overridden by some sort of justice or morality. Isn't that funny cause God IS the measuremnet of justice and He is God.
I may have said this before, but this is new insights. Lance Hahn said that isn't it funny that Jesus says we shoudl pick up our cross and follow Him, yet never mentions putting it down? It's cause we are not supposed to put it down. We are to pick up our cross and walk with it and follow Him. THere shouldn't be all of this, "God, I need a break." "God, I can't do this anymore." It is calling to God for help, but we keep on carrying our cross for Him. Serving God with our life must be above all.
"I love you," said teh Lord, yet we ask him, "How have you loved us?" We acknowledge so much that God has done, yet we fail to rest in His love. Every time we sin, we say to Him, "Do you really love us?" It's our way of saying, 'I don't think you love me, that's why I'm committing this sin because i don't trust you that this is wrong for me."
Just trust God. Pick up your cross. On your feet, soldier. And walk out there serving Him with your life. Die to self, live through Christ. And if it means giving up everything - all my hopes, all my dreams, my loves, my burdens, my sadness, my joy, my comforts - then so be it because He gave His all for me.
The Lord gives and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Discipleship...

So here's a question for you - why is it that when it is camp, the youth get so charge up for God? Is it because they are psychologically set to be spiritually high? It's like watching a scary movie in the theatre compared to stumbling upon one on tv. On tv, it's not as scary because you havent' prepped yourself for it. In a theatre, you're ready to be scared. Is it the same way with youth camp? Are our hearts set to be filled by God or not? My point is that if our hearts are set to be filled by God at camp, then that is what happens - we get filled by God. We open our hearts up and we actively seek God. We want to be filled by Him. We want to be with Him. We seek Him and we find Him. So why isn't it like that regularly? Is it because when we leave the camp site, when we enter the normal routine world we grew up in, we turn the faucet off. It's like we stop seeking God, we stop looking for Him in every conversation and in every sermon. Is it that we don't call out to Him and open our hearts to Him anymore? Do we give into the distractions? It is up to you to seek God. If you go to camp and puposefully ignore all that is being said to you and worship half heartedly, what happens? You won't get that 'filling' that we all want. Isn't it the same during the week?
The other thing is, as leaders, we need to analyze ourselves. Are we giving our best only when it is youth camp? Are we actively seeking out the youth to help them, to talk to them, to be with them, to point them to Christ? Are we ready to witness and share the gospel as much as we are at camp as we are each day? When I go into my Y-Group to teach, I know I"m not giving my best. I ask for forgiveness every week, because I know I could have given so much more. Yet at camp, we are prepared. Speakers are ready to rock the world of everyone there. Why can't we be that prepared each Sunday? Why can't we say that we are gonig to make a difference each day to the point that we get minstered too? Do we give in to the busy body mentality and are involved in a million ministries, yet don't actually get to give our best in any of them? My best has to be for God. If I'm not giving it, I must ask what it is that I am doing wrong.
I've been thinking for awhile, actually, about dropping out of one ministry. Why? I've lost the passion for it. I look at it and I can see that anyone can take that spot and do just as good a job. I need to be there for people to really pour into the lives of others. I don't like giving up. It's more that God has a new calling for me. that chapter in my life is done. I'm still praying about it, but some of you will probably know about it in a week or so.
What can you do? What can you do each day to keep that, what we cal, spiritual high going? What can you do so taht your love for God stays strong always?

Meltdown...

"My name is the Flare, and I am a hero. And maybe it's not the job, not the life I always dreamed of. Maybe it is something I just fell into, and was afraid to risk walking away from. And maybe it's a job that's often lonely, and painful, and disappointing. And maybe sometimes none of it makes sense at all. But at the end of the day, it matters. It touches people. It changes lives. Even if only in small ways, tangential ways, it still makes a difference - still matters. And maybe, at times, I acted like a fool, or beat myself up over petty and stupid things, and maybe I was inconsiderate - even cruel - sometimes, but I think everyone does that. Everyone makes some bad choices. Everyone screws it all up now and then. The important thing is that, in the final analysis, in theshort time I was here on this planet, I helped. Helped a few people to live happier, live a little longer, maybe helped to change some small corner of the world just a little bit for the better. The important thing is I mattered." - The Flare, Meltdown #2

random thought of the day

" All I got to say is that I must have done something good." - Relient K

So I was just sitting down today and realized that a huge life changing moment is comign up in my life. Pretty much, how can you say it? Youth Camp is always the time for big things to happen. Youth Camp Time always equals the direction that the entire year is going to go in. It's kind of the beginning of everything, compared to Wrestlemania which is the end of everything. So it's the beginning. Now all I need to do is close my eyes, breathe in God and breathe out all the sin in my life and trust that what happens from this point on is in His will. Breathe in God's promises and exhale the doubt.

Camp, people. Where is your life going to go?

New blog for the day, last in nyc

So either my last blog entry was too long or too controversial or people just don't know how to reply. Lol. Anyway, the toilet video actually got my comments. But who can deny it when you've got a toilet that sings the ENTIRE TIME YOU USE IT. Imagine just sititng there and everyone in the entire apartment knows what you are doing. Just imagine it. The whole time. "Hey, you're taking a long time."

"Um, no, I just, uh, left the seat up."

"I thought you said you were just goign to wash your hands."\

"I will."

"Funny, cause I thought girls only washed their hands in the bathroom. I didn't know that they did other stuff too."

Okay, so anyway, randomness. I'm flying out in around 6 hours and it will take like 24 hours to get back to the Philippines. But this is all I want to say - I am excited that I am going to be going home soon :-) I miss everyone there so much. THe trip here was amazing and God blessed me so much and I just want to go back and share wtih all of you what happened. No, sorry, no pasalubongs. Had some other financial priorities (food, ahem, family, ahem, stuff I cant' buy in the Philippines that I can only buy here like clothes that actually fit me). But either way, I have this crazy crazy wacked out idea. But dont' you all start saying "I want to come" cause it defeats the purpose. All of my hair brained ideas usually have a 3% chance of actually coming to fruition. So I was thinkign it'd be funny to have like a comedy night wtih friends. Lol. Just sit there and watch comedians do stand up. It would be nice to just eat and laugh wtih people. THey say that laughing with people and having memories of laughter actually help you to bond closer. No, this is for friendships, not for relationships. That's a different story. Lol. Hahahahaha. I'm weird right now. I have to go through all my stuf again and make sure I'm not bringing anything bad on the plane. Anyway, I'll see you all in awhile. You all stay cool.

April Fools Jokes and Random Thoughts

So apparently teh Wall-E thing I mentioned last night was an april fool's joke. Had no idea. Good thing cause I love Wall-E just the way he is. And then the whole Jake Gyllenhal playing spider-man was another april fools joke from antoehr website. And Gmail did this whole thing of how now they can send emails back in time. Lol. It was funny. The worst part was that I was sooooooooooo gullible with all of them. Sigh. Good stuff.

So tomorrow is my last day in the USA. I fly out the following day. Has it been a good trip? Yes. It has been a real eye opening trip. Regardless of what happens when I get back - you can count on many changes. Regardless of how each of you react, I'm going to be a much better (God willing) Mark. I am Mark Del Rosario. God made me to be a certain person and I know that it is through being who I am that I truly can serve Him and bring the most glory to His name cause, after all, he made me to be this way. Sadly, after much thought, I don't think I've been the best person I could have been the past year. Being here again has opened my eyes. I found that so many people here in NYC love me just the way I are (lol). But the whole point is this - I was overly nice before and was considered kind of weird and out there during my first two years here. But then I remember I decided to just be me, after all wasn't it Peter who told me "Mark, you're not the same person I left?" when I was trying to be this serious non friendly mark? So I kept at it and now I see this harvest. I shouldn't get discouraged in the Philippines. See, there are so many times that I'm there in teh Philippines and I jsut want to pull people aside and ask them how they are doing and pray for them. But many times I get kind of faced with these odd reactions. I guess its me also. I tend to be afraid of rejection or people just not responding to me right. Heck, teh whole "hugging" thing already proves that people at gcf are just different from me. That's fine. I just want to be met halfway, you know? I hug people often, I understand if you don't, but it doesn't mean that we can't break those personal spaces some times, rigth?

I don't know if you guys are getting waht I'm saying. It's like I really want to invest in each of your lives, and some times that means doing things that people may interpret wrong and sometimes people may say "what's gonig on there?". Like I think I'll begin taking a more active role in shaping the lives of people in Messiah and GCF. I want to invest in all of you, I want to help each of you see God more each day. I want to inspire and encourage and edify people to serve God with their whoel lives. If that takes praying for each of you in person, if that takes taking you out to lunch, if that takes up my energy and my stregnth, if I can help one of you each day to devote your life to making a difference in teh Philippines, in your circle of influence for Christ - then it is totaly worth it.

How many people are in your circle of influence? Think about that. Think about it just for one moment. How many people did God bring in your life that you can affect negatively and positively? The truth is, if you sit down and thinka bout it, you may find that it can be from the mid fifties to the hundreds (there's school, church, family, etc). What are you doing to show God's glory in those areas? Do you use the gift, teh talents God has given you to increase His kingdom ten fold, or do you do like me and just bury it and use it for my own glory to say "I did a good job by not risking it".

Another insane thing to think about. What did it mean when Jesus said for us to pick up our cross? most Christians say it means to carry yoru burdens. But this is where context must reign. When did Jesus say this? What was going on? What was the culture like? Carrying your cross does not bring images of hope. The cross was not synonimous with salvation, hope, holiness, etc. It was death. If you are carrying a cross, teh cross beam, it means you are walking to die in the most humiliating shameful and painful way possible. Carry your cross for God. Be willing to die for Him. It means that you honestly see your life as Christ's and no longer yours. There was this one survey a teacher took in his 3rd grade class. He asked his students, "how do you get to heaven?" All the kids guessed and the teacher kept shaking his head until one student said confidenly "I know what you have to do first to go to heaven." What's that? "You have to die first." That is one of the cutest yet most profound statements I have ever read a child saying. We must die first. Jesus must be Lord of our lives. We so easily see Christ as our savior, the one who saves us from sin. But is He Lord of our life? Do we say that our life is his, do we lay our life as a holy pleasing sacrifice down on the altar each day and say "God, this is yours. take me life and use it." Or do you do like me where I say, "Hold on, let me just take my life back for a moment and I'll return it to you later." OUR LIFE IS NOT LIKE A SET OF CAR KEYS THAT WE CAN JUST BORROW FROM OUR HEAVENLY FATHER WHEN WE WANT TO GO JOY RIDING. We must decide. And again, I am one of the biggest hypocrites here because I know that I do that all the time. I struggle with that. I find myself regularly going to God and saying, "uh, remember my life? I'll just take it back for awhile. Can you go stand over there and turn a blind eye to the sin that I'm going to commmit? Thanks. Don't worry, you'll never notice." And like a kid who smashes his parents car, we try to cover up the scratches and the dents so they won't notice. What are we doing? Seriously, what are we doing with our lives?

I find it such a sad thing when I see Christian youth not living to their full potential in Christ. God has given you a family that is Christian. God has given you a college or church environment that is strongly Christian. Yet are you glorifying Him? Are you living yoru life in excellence so that people look at you and say "Wait a minute, everyone is slacking off and this guy over here is giving a 110% and not complaining while others are giving nothing. Yet he is not being stepped on or being used - he's actually encouraging the others and pushign them to get involved too." God has given you your life. God has given each of us our lives. Let's not squander it. Let's not live in the background and under the radar. Do not waste the life God has fought so hard and died for to give you. You told me you would give it to me over 3 weeks ago, and you never did. you know who you are. I love you and I want the best for you and that is why I need to be hard on you (because if I don't, I'm just as much to blame). Where are our priorities? If we are to give God a holy and pleasing sacrifice of our lives, aren't we supposed to be giving our best? Or are we like the Israelites after exile where they sacrificed the lame and the deseased animals to God cause they didn't want to "waste" their prize possesions?

I would always spend time blogging abotu stepping out of the boat like Peter, right? It took me three weeks here to realize I've been wrong. I should not be wondering "will I sink or stand?". Peter didn't think that way. All that mattered to Him was this - Is God Calling Me? WHen Christ calls - I go. End of the story. Whatever else happens is His will. What matters is that I don't take my eyes or ears off of Him. Because once I start looking around me and worrying about how it is I'm going to be walking on water, that is the moment I begin trusting myself and tryign to interpret circumstances instead of relying on God's voice.

Thank you for listening. See you in a few days.

Wall-E Pushed back...

So I'm currently waiting to meet some Filipino friends here in NYC. I'm expecting them to be on time. Hopefully. Anyway, just read that they pushed back Wall-E because someone won a law suit that said that he designed Wall-E and Pixar can't use his designs. This sucks. So they have to completely redesign him and render the movie again, which will delay the film by several months. WHy do people do this? Why can't they just be happy that their design made it to the big screen? Well, yeah, I mean, maybe Pixar should have just paid the guy for it rather than spending all the money at the drawing board again.
In other news, I've been tired. Very very tired. As in not really functioning properly tired. My feet have been hurting. Oh well, I'll probably stay off them for a few days (a plane, ahem). I just am not in the blogging mood, but I am, however, in the mood to just ramble. So if you don't mind, then fine.
I've played both the Wii and the 360. And sadly, I prefer the 360. I guess I'm just an old dog that can't learn new tricks. It's just so hard playign on a Wii. I mean, Super Smash Brawl was fun. But it's kind of annoying. If I had to choose between five minutes of Halo 3 or five minutes of Super Smash, I'd go with Halo 3. It was an overall great experience. Not to mention that Call of Duty 4 on it looks fantasticular. it's just everything is built for online play, which can be annoying if you have to pay P400 a month for XboX Live. I wonder if the Filipinos have figured out a way past this....Hmmmm...
In other news, Wrestlemania happened today and so far I've stayed spoiler free. This will become increasingly hard when I am in my aunt's house tomorrow and the next day with nothing to do but surf the internet or watch tv. So due to this, I've opted to do other productive things like learn to sew scarves...j/k. No, but i think I'm going to spend time reading a little bit. Picked up this Artemis Fowl book which I'll read and probably will get to Neil Gaiman stuff too. Neil Gaiman is starting to disappoint me. He seems to have great ideas and his dialogue's and descriptions are good, but his stories just don't move. It's like American Gods, the book I'm reading, is comprised of them walking around and talking. It's just talking heads, basically. There is no real main plot that is driving everything. The "down the rabbit hole" idea can only work for so long.
For Brian, Strong, and Yuna and whoever else wants to join the Bible Study I'm starting when I get back, I've decided that we study the book of Malachi. Yes. Malachi. It's a book that none of you have probably really studied hard core. So it should prove to be very intersting. Anyway, this is Mark signing out. See you in a week :-)