One question for everyone to answer...

What do you wish to happen by the end of today?

Random quote to ponder

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.- Gilda Radner

Christmas thoughts...

I've been stumped all day trying to figure out what to write on for the apologetics for the UP Frontline bulletin. Funny, huh? I usually can pull out an argument pretty easily. The problem is that Christmas time is the time (especially in the Philippines) where everyone becomes especially focused on Jesus (even those who are anti to the Christian faith tolerate us as much). So it's kind of hard. Where is the deep theological debate about Christianity that needs to be defended when we talk about Christmas?
First of all, no, this is not the article. This is random thoughts to help my mind begin flowing. See, what comes to mind is how everyone says that Christmas is about good will to all men, giving, and loving. And many even say "Jesus is the reason for the season." But do we live like it? It seems whenever Christians talk about Jesus being the reason for the season, they shift and make a very plastic response and even go to the extremes and bash everythign else that is non-manger scene with the holiday. Is this right to do? Don't give me a pat answer. See, Jesus is the reason for the season. But how did the shepherds respond? Did they suddenly become all quiet and sober and walked over. No, they dashed off to find the birth of the Christ! Why is it that in the time that celebrating Jesus is encouraged is the same time that Christians don't go about in joy about Jesus and sharing their excitement? Why can't we just openly talk about Him and what He has done, which we don't even do all year?
The Bible says that one of the fruit of the spirit is Joy. Are we joyful? And I don't mean in our hearts. I mean are we joyful to the point that it is overflowing so that every single person we encounter feels the joy and the love of Christ from each moment of contact we have with them? Do we? Do you?
Can you just imagine what it might have been like on the night of Jesus' birth SPIRITUALLY? Like what happened right there? BAM! Jesus came down. God became man. Why? For us. For me. For you. For you, yes, (insert your name here). It's like if it was a boxing fight, sin was the tough little super feather weight boxer giving us a problem. Then in walks Jesus - UFC super heavy weight champion. He just steps in the ring and you know it is over. It's a time to celebrate. To just know that your savior is here, that the end has come, that victory is back. To have the long wait over. It must be like the joy someone has when they meet the person they are going to marry. This is it. The wait is over. And it was worth it. Jesus could have come down as a guy 30 years old and have been teh mysterious travelr who walked into town like a western. But no, he came as a baby. Humble beginnings physically, but he was always God and fully God the entire time. the angels went nuts! Can you imagine how the shpehreds felt? Just seeing Angels go crazy cheering and singing and praising God for how awesome He is. This is it! This is the time! Celebrate for yoru Lord has returned! All of creation had been waiting since the fall for Christ to come. And He came.
Have you ever seen The Matrix? I liked the way Tank said it when he said that, "If Morpheus is right and you're the one? Man, these are exciting times." These are exciting times. ]
So let us celebrate and tell everyone WHy we are celebrating. And how do we celebrate? by letting our joy for the Lord and our love overflow to EVERYONE - whether in gifts or in kindness, but firstly in sharing to others what God has done for us.

Loving your enemies

What does ti mean to really love your enemies? Many times we say something like, "I can love them, but that doesn't mean I have to like them." Come on. Did Jesus love us that way? Did Jesus say, "I love you, but that doesn't mean I have to like you." Then, how are we to love our enemies? Jesus said we should love one another the way Christ loves the church, which means we should be willing to die for one another. Ummm...can you imagine going to the person that you have so many problems with and that treats you like crap no matter how nice you are to them and telling them that you are going to die so that they may live?
Okay, you may be saying, I get it. But it's not practical. I don't see how I can end up doing this without being a hypocrite or without being plastic. So here's an interesting thing - pray for them. I know, it's so easy to say and so easy to do. Is it?
I always hear people complaining about authorities - the government, the admin of their company, etc. Why is it that we don't pray for them? And I mean seriously pray that God will protect them and let them experience Him in their lives? Why do we not pray for other churches and ministries? Why do we feel that we're the only ones that we should pray for?
I don't know. It's something to challenge yourself with. Can you approach God's thrown and pray for the peopel who have hurt you and genuinely want them to grow closer to God and be blessed by knowing Him more? Can you let go of that bitterness and judgment and say that God has a plan for their lives too?
There are so many times people tell me it is hopeless - the economy is hopless, we might as well move to canada. But why does it have to be so? Why is the solution always running? WHy is it not standing up in the face of hardship and say that God is going to get you through this? We must stand strong, pray for the country God has put us in. We have to pray for the people. We have to look past finanical hardship and realize that there's a much more dire problem to be concerned about. We must be concerned that peopel are going to hell every day and that there are a great many Christians who don't care. We have to ignite a fire in ourselves and in others so that we all become true disciples of Christ.
Anyway, there are just some thoughts. I'm teaching a class tomorrow and it's going to be awesome. It's about relationships, and it really made me think about how we relate to others, and that's where this blog came from.
Don't ever ever get satisfied with yoru life in God - always strive to know Him more to grow closer to Him, to spend every moment with Him. Make Him be the number one in your life.

dream girl?

I think everyone is allowed one really personal yet public post on their multiply every few months. This is mine. I was just thinking about what exactly is the type of girl I'd like to end up with. I think the last time I did this was in March over my 23rd birthday. Now, it's practically november. It's about time to give it another shot.
See, first of all, I'm a hopeless romantic. This is what I do. There are days that I wonder what kind of person I would like to end up with, what characteristics she could have, where she would want to go in life. Etc, etc, etc...And since this is public, I am only talking about character cause (oddly enough) physical characteristics seem to not be that big a deal in the sense that almost every girl I've liked in my life has looked very different from the others. So that's why we won't dwell on the physical.
First and one of the most important is that I want her to challenge me to grow spiritually. As the guy, I'm supposed to be the spiritual head, and this means that i want to be challenged to be the spiritual head. It would be cool if I could end up with a girl who really loves God and wants to know Him so deeply that it keeps me from growing stagnant or (worse) arrogant in my relationship with God. She should have this immesnely deep and strong relationship with God - one that really points everyone to Christ.
Secondly, she has to be called to work in the Philippines. I am sure that this is where God wants me to be. I'm not going anywhere else. No other country is an option.
Thirdly, money should not be that big a deal to the girl. Living luxuriously is something that I know I'm not really called to do. She would have no problem adapting to circumstances, whether hard or difficult. In short - she could get stuck in an elevator for an hour and not really freak out. She is someone who is willing to sacrifice even comforts for Christ.
She has to also be other focused. I'm someone who loves to really reach out and ministry to people. The coolest thing would be for the both of us to go out and minister and encourage and lift people closer to God together. I have a friend who does this with his wife (and even when they were just dating). It was so awesome hanging out with them.
She would also be deep, in the sense that she enjoys quiet just as much as the fun. She can enjoy simply sitting down and reading a book (or comic book :-). She can go for long walks. She can just chill at a starbucks. She has a sense of imagination - the ability to see things with new excitement every time. There is a fun moment in even the simple stuff like browsing for clothes or walking through a grocery or the city or along a beach.
She's completely unpredictable - every moment with her is an adventure! Structured unpredictability? She is absolutely fun loving and up to wild crazy ideas and has no problem coming up with them and convincing me to go ahead and do them. At the same time, she's game for pretty much any good idea (basta, it's a good idea)
Must love dogs....lol...actually, she just has to be an animal person.
She should enjoy food :-) Like, enjoys the idea of taste and appreciates food beyond its ability to fill you up.
She should like kids cause I don't really like kids that much :-P
She knows her priorities.
She should love her family
She should not mind that I love reading comics :-)
She is level-headed and reliable (while still keeping that unpredictable quality)

Yeah...I could probably keep going on and on. But these are just somethings that have gone through my mind as I watched a film tonight. Lol. Funny, how the show had NOTHING to do with relationships at all. But it's just one of those things - it's nice to pray for whoever she may be, that God protects her and allows me to meet her sometime soon, hopefully, and that we'll just both know that we're meant for each other. Sounds very ideal and I know it's not that likely to happen. But I do believe God takes the time to write each of our love stories - how we'll meet, what we'll do, etc, etc. God's going to take care of it. Until then, I'm going to wait, no matter how hard that may be. And as most people know - waiting on the Lord is not ever an easy thing.

So there you go - a little peek into my mind. Lol.

He Will Always Be There by Supertones

VERSE 1
Who am i that you would pay me mind?
Who am i that you would take the time to find me?
Who am i that you'd reach out your hand?
Lord what am i but just a sinful sinking man?
I didn't even know who God was,
until he told me he's my dad

Refrain
And its just because He loved me
And he'd rather die than live without me
He loved me and He'd rather go through hell
than go to heaven without me
And i love Him and i'll stay with him until the end of time
One thing i know, God gave His life for mine

CHORUS
He will always be, He will always
be, He will always be there

VERSE 2
Who am i that you would know my name?
Who am i that you'd help me win this losing game?
Who am i that you'd stay all day by my side?
God i fail but at least you know i tried
I didn't even know who he was,
then God told me i'm His son

BRIDGE
I count on God, i love him best
He helps me through my trials and tests
He'll always be there when i call,
always catch me when i fall
He will always be there

Points to Ponder

"We are all ordinary. We are all boring. We are all spectacular. We are all shy. We are all bold. We are all heroes. We are all helpless. It just depends on the day." - Brad Meltzer

"Superman is what I can do. Clark is who I am." - Superman

When the first superman movie came out, I was frequently asked 'what is a hero?' My answer was that a hero is someone who commits courageous action without considering the consequences...Now my definition is completely different. I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." - Christopher Reeves

"I had one idea that never changed in my mind - that you should use your wealth to help people. I try to live a normal life, the way I grew up, I set out to work hard, not to get rich." - Chuck Feeney

let your light shine before men

"Let your light shine before men that they may see your good deeds and praise their father in heaven."

I read this verse and realized that I have been doing this these past two weeks. Now the reason I say this is because I have been feeling very fulfilled and complete these past few weeks. I think this might be why. I was telling my disciple just on Sunday that no matter what happens, we must live our lives for God. That means that even when times are tough, we live for God. Commonly said. But the thing that I'm realizing is that when we live our lives for God, God is going to take care of everything. I guess that's cause we stop trying to take control and give ourselves everything we want. We just give God full control and begin to enjoy doing what we were made to do - to serve and worship God. During theology class we mentioned Proverbs 18:22, I think. It's the verse that says whoever finds a wife finds a good thing. The word find doesn't mean found after searching. It means more about stumbling upon. In other words, when we are serving God with everything we are, with all that we are, even when He blesses us with a wife, we should still go serve God. It doesn't mean we are off on our own little quest for a wife it means taht we are to be living for Him and trust that He will provide it when the time is right.
Part of me wonders if it's only when you are completely in love with God and you don't care about being single or not that you will find the right one. I don't know. What I do know right now is that God has given me an inner peace lately, and an inner joy, that even sin cannot take away. I know i have the victory in Christ, and even though I stumble, I know that my hand is in God's and He will pull me up. I know that I am doing what I am meant to be doing and I can say that I am content with all that God has given me.
It's also been cool that He's been blessign me with a lot of time to hang out with friends. Didn't expect to hang out tht much this weekend, but it was refreshing.
Oh yeah, please pray for me because I have a Bible study I'm leading at church tomorrow and I also am preaching at chapel. Thanks! Have a great day and God bless!

Say it again...Breathe...

Two amazing songs I've been listening to today that just put a HUGE smile on my face. The first one is Say It Again by Marie Digby and the other one is Breathe by Michelle Branch. Ah...just such happy songs you can't help but smile and bounce your head to.
Anyway, I could go off on some deep thoughtful schpeel here, but I thought I'd just kind of say hello and get this blog going once again. It's best to slowly get back into the habit rather than do some super deep post and then never post again.
But this is what I can say - God is amazing. Ever since I came back to ministry, i"ve been hungry to just serve Him and give HIm everything that I have. It's so weird cause the more you think about it, I'm just giving to Him what He already owns, just giving it back to Him. It's really such a joy spending time wtih so many people from abby to zikki. Seriously, all of you in my life are a blessing. Let's just spend more time talking about what God is doing in our lives and letting our friendships grow deeply. Love all of you.

And for all those emo people out there, here's a video that should make even you smile (if it works). And for the hopeless romantics, this video is totally for you. Dare you not to get kilig.

Day 24

Here we....go!

I get the feeling people will be quoting Joker for a long time to come. It's a good thing, in a way. I just hope that it means more people will genuinely be interested in the batman universe rather than just jump on the bandwagon.
So today's random musing is this: How do we show love to God? How do each of you show love to God?
What comes to my mind right away is to show love to God by loving others. Like what the Bible says, if you say you love God yet hate your brother, you don't really love God. But at the same time, it shoudl also put it into perspective that you can't truly love your neighbor if you don't truly love God first. I think loving God would also mean getting to know Him more. If I love a girl, I would do my best to get to know her as best as I can. In the same way, we should do that for God. Just spend time getting to know who He is through His Word and through His creation.
What will it gain a man to get the whole world yet forfeit his soul? It's like many times we don't love God to the point of giving Him everything because we're afraid to give up stuff. Yet the Bible reminds us that if we have to give up the whole world in exchange for our soul, we shoudl do it. So how hard is it to give up that one sin? To give up that 30 minutes for devos? How hard is it to these things when we know we are getting God in return? Isn't it interesting taht we go out of our way to feed the body yet we can easily starve our souls? Prayer, the Word, worship, this is how we feed our souls. We need God to fill us. It's like a guy who is eating garbage instead of food. Our we feeding our souls with leftovers? with garbage? Yet we can get the real food for free, we can really fed to the point of ultimate satisfaction as easily as lifting our hearts up to God.
But don't get me wrong, following God is not easy. It's not a bed of roses, no. Following God is hard, but is it worht it? Yes, cause it's what you were made for. Anyway, more thoughts later.

pretty much how I'm feeling today...

Wonderful World
James Morrison

I've been down so low people look at me and they know,
They can tell something is wrong
Like I dont belong,
Well, staring through a window standing outside there just to happy to care
And I wanna be like them but I'll mess it up again,
I tripped them out when God kicked outside everybody's soul.

Chorus:
And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I cant feel it right now,
I thought I was doing well but I just want to cry now,
Well I know that its a wonderful world from the sky down to the sea,
But I can only see when you're here, here with me.

Sometimes I feel so full that it just comes spilling out,
It's uncomfortable to see I give it away so easily,
But if I had someone I would do anything and never never never never let you feel alone
I wont, I wont leave u on your own,
Who am I to dream, dreams are for fools, they always let you down.

Chorus:
And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I cant feel it right now,
[ Wonderful World lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
I thought I was doing well but I just want to cry now,
Well I know that its a wonderful world from the sky down to the sea,
But I can only see when you're here, here with me.

And I wish that I could make it better,
I'd give anything for you to call me,
Maybe just a little letter
Oh it could start again.

Chorus:
And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I cant feel it right now,
I thought I was doing well but I just want to cry now,
Well I know that its a wonderful world from the sky down to the sea,
But I can only see when you're here, here with me.

I know that its a wonderful world
But I cant feel it right now,
Iv got all the right clothes to wear I just wana cry now,
I know that it's a wonderful world from the sky down 2 the sea,
But I can only see well when ur here, here with me.

And I know that it's a wonderful world
When your with me.

Day 16

So here's a thought. Why do we act like it's taboo to talk about God? I mean, when we go and talk to each other, say hi to each other, it seems so foreign to ask about how your spiritual life is doing or about what God is doing in your life or just to share how your relationship with God is doing? Why is that? Why is it that in schools, at work, we feel kind of ashamed to pray? It's not illegal.

Just slight update for peopel to know, it's not illegal to pray in schools in the States, just general assembly prayer is not allowed. Actually, this is a good thing because you don't want people who aren't believers in Christ muttering words of prayer when their hearts are not there at all. It's kind of like the Roman Empire under Constantine - you would be persecuted if you WEREN'T a Christian, so everyone suddenly became Christians which made it hard to tell who really is a follower of Christ and who just doesn't want to die.

Anyway, getting back to topic - the thing is that we should really make an effort to stand up for Christ always. We are to be salt and light. We have to get in there, we have to make a difference wherever we go. I feel like this is the constant thing I'm learning throughout my studies - it is important to stand for Christ even in the face of a society or culture that has lowered His importance. In our culture, it's kind of like everyone says they believe in God, well, yeah, whatever. The thing is that us Christians need to remember that we are ona mission here. People are dying constantly. People need us to reach them. But the problem I think, is that Christians try outreach very aggresively ONLY. We need to not only go out there and share, we need to live the life too. People look at us and measure our faith by who we are. Even if its unfair, like how Christ should be the measurement, not us. However, as tehy say, we may be the only Jesus Christ peopel will be seeing. We need to make sure wherever we go, we make the world better because we are the torchbearers, carrying the Holy Spirit wherever He leads. We have to back up what we preach with how we act. We can't be saying Christ is the number one in our lives and not love our neighbor. We can't say Christ is number one in our life and get hammered/drunk regularly. We can't say Christ is king when we go to places that will nto glorify Him. We need to make a difference, and that means that we can't get so stuck on the mentality of getting pampered. We should be used to getting rejected...

there's this one movie where a guy says, "If the whole world says the love of your life is ugly, would you care?" The friend says, "No, cause I know they're wrong." In the same way, we should be like that with God. To paraphrase the Rock, "It DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY THINK." What matters is that we know who God is and we can share that with everyone. And if they say God doesnt' exist and that they get offended, well, sorry na lang.

Well, I have a meeting to run to. ChannelS is comign along great. Mike Dan is working and doing wonders with all the content. Let's pray it comes out as beautiful as it looks on the computer. Coming out last week of July :-) God willnig.

Day 15

We've reached the half way point. God blessed me with a day to spend just reading the BIble because a virus had rocked my computer at work. I know, I know, Mark, what websites do you go to to get all these viri? I don't know. Lol. It's just like that. So I spent the afternoon just reading the Bible and listening to sermons. It was cool.
The funny thing is that I don't have any deep insights for today at all. What I did do, though, was just enjoy the day. Lol. It was good. What is funny is that Matt is reading in Tagalog here beside me so my writing is getting stunted because I can't seem to get a decent trend running.
Okay, let's go with this. For some reason, June from Messiah really reminds me of Danielle from college and Mel really reminds me of Becca. It's so weird. Like just being around them makes me remember my friends in the states. Sigh. They're cool.
Countdown days till teh new lobby of Messiah is at about 5 days. Crazy. I'm so excited. It's going to look great. What I need to do, though, is get crackalackin on the designs of those wall ornaments :-P Things are going to be so much fun. At least I coudl get that off my chest already.
In other news, I'm suddenly feeling like I'm going to try and caricature people again for some short funny web pics :-P I was trying to do it on the PC, but i'm so old school that they came out looknig all pixilated. So I'll just use my hand dandy sharpie and see what comes out. Stay tunes :-)

Cool Michelle Branch Song A'Capella Version

Breathe
Michelle Branch

I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
You say I've been driving you crazy
and its keeping you away
So just give me one good reason
Tell me why I should stay
'Cause I dont wanna waste another moment
in saying things we never meant to say

And I Take it just a little bit
I, hold my breath and count to ten
I, I've been waiting for a chance to let you in

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space in between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe

Well it's all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real

And I Give you just a little time
I, Wonder if you realize
I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe,
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe
Breathe

So I whisper in the dark,
Hoping you hear me
Do you hear me?

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe,
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
Everything is alright if i just breathe... breathe

I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain

Bitter sweet?

Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll never be the boy you always you wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Trojan dead - Superman Wins.

Finally, the Trojan Virus is dead. Sigh. The computer is now back to life once again. But isn't it the life of an IT person that you just don't get any thanks? Like they say, "Being in IT is like being in the electric company, no one calls to thank you that the light is on." But whatever, just a short note. The main thing is that God guided me to the right program to kill this nasty Trojan and now it's gone. It still took all of today, but it's gone. Praise God! you don't know how happy I am :-) I barely got any sleep last night because of it.

Day 12

Today was an awesome day. I got to hang out with Najee :-) And we got to just talk and pray too. She, Barbie, Sean, Strong and Jess were such huge encouragements to me today. you don't even know. Sigh. Najee really reminds me all the time of who I am and why God brought me back to the Philippines. Each time we talk, she tells me what a difference i make and that really does mean something. It's that extra encouragement and hug to say "keep going." And Strong, he's the one who has the most powerful saying I've ever heard in Tagalog that he always tells me, "Kaya mo yan." Sean also takes that time to be real to really say hi and talk and laugh and at the same time not be embarrassed to worship God with everything. Barbie knows how to give that hugging encouragement, and just being there to check up on me. Jess also just sat down and spent time talking with me and we got to talk about cows. And of course the last bit of encouragement, I don't know exactly who it was but it might have been Ate Chette, but it was nice seeing my name on a list of prayer requests - that people are concerned about me as I continue to embark on this spiritual trek :-)

Aaaaah...God is so good. Truly He is. What I've learned today from my quiet time is this: we can't be unequally yoked. There is no place for a non-believer and a believer to be together. It's not just about relationships. But relationships is a big part of that. Every single place in teh Bible, you see the Israelites saying the same thing we say, "They're not really that different" and they fall every single time. Have you ever read in the Bible where it says that the man brought the pagan to God through marriage? Not much. But hundreds and hundreds of years show just how important it is. It's not about us - its' about showing real love to those that don't know Christ by bringing them to Him first before we put ourselves into the picture.

How long will this last?

Well, its 2:19am. I've been trying to kill this trojan virus for the past 12 hours. It's a tough nut to crack cause it spreads through networks like aids through Africa. As soon as I plug the cables in, the computer that was clean suddenly goes all loco and stops working. I'm trying to clean it cause reformatting it is a pain. It usually takes me about 5 hours to reformat it. So technically thsi is taking longer. The thing, though, is this may be a pride issue here cause I'm the only guy in my college IT department to ever kill at trojan without having to reformat the computer. So I'm trying. We'll see how well this works. Right now this computer is workign so we'll see how long it will last before it goes crazy. I've decided to go old school on this pc. That means, well, going back to the three programs that saved my butt many a time: Adaware, Spybot, and ASquared. I know they are supposedly no longer up to date, but Windows Defender is doing nothing for me right now and I'd rather go to the tried and true than to the new cleaners on the block. So hopefully I'll be able to get this thing together. Catch you later!

Day 9 and 10

Praise God! I had a great day today. Spent time in the Word, spent time in prayer, listened to a sermon, and most of all, I had a really good GReG with my guys. Glad you could make it and thank you for all talking and being open to discussions. The doughnuts were good too. Am glad we got to spend that time together. Hope the entire GReG can get together next week. I might bring some food again. I know it's the end of a long day for you.

In other news, here's one thing I learned from my quiet time reading Judges again. I was reading about Eglon and Ehud. Ehud was like the least likely guy to be the judge of Israel. He was left handed and he didn't have much of an introduction. Yet, he came and he was the one who singlehandedly took out the evil king, ran to the Israelites and told them that God has delivered the enemy into their hands and led them to war. It was like this crazy fast paced thing if you read it. Can you imagine the Israelites? What? The evil king is dead? Fight? Okay! Let's take them out! I guess what I got from this is two things - God hears us and He can bring us retribution quickly. It doesnt' always have to take so long. There are times we mess up our lives and, like the prodigal son, think we have to earn our right back to be called sons and daughters of God again. Yet, God comes right to us and hugs us and lets us come back into fellowship with Him instantly. There's no "probation period". God is so cool like that. Just like out of the blue, God can answer your prayer and shock and awe you with his goodness. We need to remember that there is victory in Christ, there is joy in God, and that it is in God that we find true satisfaction.

That's the other thought I have been dwelling on. We keep thinking that we can't find satisfaction or fulfillment in God, and that's why we keep going to sins. It's like we eat garbage and spoiling food when God provides us with a feast. I remember this one article before int eh newspaper saying that drinking urine was good for your health. Ewwwwww. THe point is this - sometimes the world will say sin is good for you, that a little sin every now and then keeps you sharp. Baloney! Stupid! Utter foolishness. Why? Why do we flirt with death when God is the only source of true happiness, joy, and satisfcation. And why is it that when we find this joy, we don't show it. We just get depressed at how messed up the world is. Can't we take joy and cheer and wake up with big smiles on our faces because we are saved, free from sin, and now serve the true God and King? Can't we go out there and let people know how amazing God is with joy and gusto and love rather than condemnation? Some say, "How can God be so loving yet send people to hell?" Ummmm...that's where you come in. God sent YOU. Each of us are supposed to tell the good news to everyone so that the Holy Spirit can move them to go to Christ for salvation. So there are the thoughts :-D Have a good ngiht!

Day 7

Been listening to two switchfoot songs today - Learning to Breathe and On Fire. Think it's appropriate considering all that's been happening the past few days.

Learning to Breathe
Hello, good morning, how ya do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
This is the way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never thought I could fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
That I say I love You
This is the way
That I say I'm Yours
This is the way
This is the way

On Fire
Tell you where you need to go
Tell you who you need to be
Tell you what you need to know
Tell you when you’ll need to leave

But everything inside you knows
Says more than what you’ve heard
So much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

Chorus:
And you’re on fire
When he’s near you
You’re on fire
When he speaks
You’re on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be... (near you)

Cause everything inside looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I’ll take

Chorus:
When I’m on fire
When you’re near me
I’m on fire
When you speak
And I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I’m standing on the edge of me (x3)
I’m standing on the edge

Chorus:

And I’m on fire
When you’re near you
I’m on fire
When you speak
(yea) I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries..

The past four days have really been interesting. Devos are up and down. I'm still trying to read through Judges, but it's getting kind of monotonous, or rather, teh feeling that I know these stories already are kicking in. I guess that's why Learnign to Breathe is just an appropriate song for right now. Trying to learn to breathe in God again instead of falling into just studying HIs word and not looking at His Face. You know, I need to remember who's Word it is that I am reading.

Sunday was a good day. I got to see a lot of friends again. Didn't really get to hang out, but it was fun to just be with Strong, Barbie, Jonathan, etc. Saturday was good too. Hugn out with Najee and Carmela and the bunch. Friday was good too. Went to Victory to just see what church there was like - reminding myself of just how big the body of Christ is. Many times we can get stuck in the mindset that we are the only ones in the body of Christ. Or we get stuck in the US and THEM mentality which is also wrong. We need to see that God is moving eveywhere and that each of us have different roles. What is important is that we do our best in those roles given to us. We have to think bigger, realizing all the time just how big the body of CHrist is. That way we can work together to bring Him the glory and to make people wonder what it is about all these believers that makes us so different? The thing is - you have to show that Christ is real, and that is only done when you love Him and love your neighbor. Anyway, it was nice worshipping with Dawn, Kitchie, Glo Anne, and Joy. They said they might come by GCF this Saturday at 6pm to join our two hour praise and prayer night. Hope the other Messiah students could come too.

I also had a good talk with Brian the other day. He's always a good person to talk to if you want to have meaningful deep conversations.

So what am I doing or what have I learned today? Let me explain it this way: There is a website out there that just plays white noise. that's it. It's called SimplyNoise.com. There is, oddly enough, a sort of peace when you just sit there and hear this white noise playing. In the same way, our worldly self looks at God as noise, but really, God's not. It starts off liek that. Agh, noise to our day, challenges to our way of life. But soon we find peace in this apparent 'noise'. Eventually, we realize it's not noise, it's a song. And you hear how God moves in that song, you see His song being played everywhere by everyone who is a believer. You see the universe singing praises to Him. And then you realize that which you thought was everything - the world - is distracting you from taht which you love the most - God's voice. Gets?

I just wish that I could be like that more, just pause, relax, and say that I am resting in my Savior. I want to just pause and breathe in and out, and just thank Him for all that He has done. It's something that you need to do, you know? I think I'm goign to do that later on the way home. Going to stop off somewhere for just around 20 minutes and thank God and dwell on all he has done.

I just don't understand why people look at God and just go, "Heh, I don't believe you exist." It's like, it's just so sad. He's everythign that they are looking for, wanting, and yet they reject Him. They don't want to give their life to Him, the one who will take care fo them best. How have you loved me? how do I know you haven't lied? How do I know you are even real? how do i know you're not just a hallucination? how do I know that there is anything after death? how do I know that Jesus was Christ? So many questions, so many doubts...it reminds me of when Jesus came. The intellectuals of the day refused to see Christ that way. It was the people who went to Him to really see who He was that were the ones who really knew Him. Maybe that's what they mean by child like faith? You trust God at His word. At the same time, I guess it all boils down to people not wanting to accept that they don't rule their own lives - that either Sin rules or God rules. it's like people will say finally, "Okay, God exists and Jesus is teh only way...maybe." Sigh. It's so sad and it really wounds my heart seeing it and hearing it. I wish that God could just do something - but then I realize He DID do soemthing. He sent Jesus to die for us. It's like people say, "so? do it again." I'm just really saddened right now thinking of it. How are we supposed to bring people to Christ when they don't want Him? Just many thoughts.

How sinful are we? I think each day of all the sins I commit each day. There are so many sins on the menu. Some sins are so easy to tell if you're using it and others are more sublminal. You can be the leader ofa ministry and be dwelling in sin as much as the guy who gets drunk every night. They are just different sins. Yet, despite all the sins out tehre, despite all the sins we commit, God still loves us. He loves us so much that He encourages us to get better. But we can't, cause sin stops us. We an't break free unless we have the Holy Spirit in us. It is in this that we have the victory. We are free of the chains, we are free of the sin. It suddenly becomes our choice to either obey God or to disobey Him. Unlike before, we were just a slave to sin. Now we have the choice. Do we follow God or choose death? Aaaahhh...and then the world comes in and says, "you will not surely die if you sin..." Yeah, eating poison every day won't kill you. As Pastor Lance says, "A litte sin today means more bondage tomorrow." I suddenly realize why it says we should not give the devil a foothold. We need to keep our lives clear and clean of him. Yet, we forget to let God have a stornghold, to let God be our castle, our rock, our strong tower, our fortress, our deliverer. We think we can do it all on our own. Our castles keep sinking in teh bog of sin, yet we keep building new castles instead of building them on Christ. Is Jesus the ruler of your life? Is He really King? If He is, maybe we should all strive to act like it, to show it, to live it, to really have Him as Lord every single day and moment.

Day 3

Today was completely shot. Sigh. Didn't get to have a good one hour in the Word today. Found myself kind of getting lost in thoughts. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. So the main thought of today is this: What happens when good Christians go bad?
I was going to show this one video to my GREG group today at Messiah, but then I found some stuff online that the guy may possibly be a heretic and has gone slightly crazy with his theology. Christianity Today did a piece on the guy before, and it seemed like he was fine. However, there were some stuff he said that, even in context, sounds a little funky. I don't know what to make of it. I'm going to do some more research. But in order to not defame anyone's name, I'm not goign to say who it is. Basta, I'm going to have to look into this more before I show his videos to people. Sayang talaga because his videos are really good for stirring up discussion among people. It's sad when that happens, you know? When a perfectly good Christian guy begins going into bogus ideas. I'm sure he means well. What they said DAW was that he got so caught up in studying the Bible and the culture and the jews from before that he lost sight of the absolutes in the Bible, saying that you can apply any interpretation to teh Bible. it's like he goes way too far with some of his ideas. I remember the pharisees where they got so absorbed with studying the Torah that they didn't see Christ anymore. All they could see is all these mythologies and geneologies and myths that Paul said we should stop dwelling on.
So the next question that plagues my mind is: How can i make sure I don't fall into this trap? It's this fear that getting so absorbed in teh Bible may make me stop looking at Jesus as the personal God He is. How do you guard against that? I think that's why fellowship and discipleship is important. You need to be able to bounce ideas off of others so that you know if what you're getting from your Bible readings and devos is right. Also, that's what theology classes are for (which is cool that there are those available to the GCFers now). But again, its' good to avoid gettting lost in arguments and debates that lose sight of what the purpose is to begin with. One Bible, one meaning, but many applications.
We had an interesting Greg today, though. Everyone was either sleepy or just out of it. I'm hoping the other guys will begin participating in discussions more. So proud of Luigi, though. He's awesome. Really kept things going in teh group today. Really needed him. But what was cool was that everyone got their second wind by halfway through and we got all noisy and were laughing and talking a lot. I'm just hoping the sharing and the open discussion will come out sooner than later. It seems we're still stuck on the 'calling on for answers' mentality. But I know that will change. It's really on me, I think. I need to get better as a small group leader. Sigh.
Was thinking again that sana, by some miracle, those 12 people I've been praying will come to Messiah will some how end up still coming, like transferring over. I know, I know, it's crazy. God brought them to those schools already for a reason. I just wish that they'd be coming here to the college. I really think they are a good fit and that they could get the most from what we offer. But at the same time, I also know that God has a purpose why they aren't here. Whether it's a major issue or something else, God needs them where He put them too.
Well, have an experiment tomorrow that I'll write about tomorrow night. We'll see what happens.

Day 2

Today wasn't exactly what I would call a productive day compared to yesterday. I woke up late, so I had to have my quiet time after Chapel at school. Chapel went really well. Pastor Mans shared about why some of us struggle loving God with our mind, heart, mind, and strength. One thing that he shared was how God is the one seeking us. Like the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the prodigal son - the active one is the person who lost something. The Prodigal son is just from a different perspective, but we know the father was searching and waiting for him to come back. God is waiting for us to come back to Him, anytime, anywhere. It's never too late.
I then though of the prodigal son some more and how we can learn a lot about how the son acted. When he came back, he didn't come in arrogant like "I'm back! I want my bed and my stuff. Bring me a head of a pig!" well, they wouldn't eat pigs cause they were Jews...but still. you get the point. The son came in humble and appreciative of the father's forgiveness. he didn't stop the father and say, "I'm the one who sinned, so I need to earn your love back. Stop saying you will just accept me back." He acknowledged the forgiveness and with humility came in. It's alwyas about humility. In the same way, we shoud'nt take God's active seeking for us for granted. We shouldn't take God's love for granted.
Later, watched a Nooma video about how we should stay in rythm with God all the time. It's like we shoudl watch what we do and make sure we are following God's will.
The one thing, though, that I woke up feeling and pondering and meditating over was this thought of really giving to God. I realized how easily I tend to trust in money and how lately I haven't been as freely blessing others with it. That's why giving back to God money is so amazing because it helps us to stop trusting money but begin trusting God to provide that money. Remember the early church? THey shared everything. Can't we do that more often? Like as the body of Christ really share with each other when there is a need because we know God is going to send us what we need when we need it.
Yup, so there you go. Nothing too deep and profound today. :-)

Day One

So today is day one. My head hurts. I spent four hours of hte day scanning pictures. Four hours. Imagine how that feels. Ugh. My head really hurts. Anyway, it means tomorrow I need to spend time touching up and fixing those pictures.
Woke up this morning and fought the urge to run out the door to work. I spent time reading the Bible. I read through Psalm 9, which was kind of cool cause I felt like I never read it before.

Psalm 9

For the director of music. To the tune of "The Death of the Son." A psalm of David.

1 ^[a]I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonders.

2 I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

3 My enemies turn back;
they stumble and perish before you.

4 For you have upheld my right and my cause;
you have sat on your throne, judging righteously.

5 You have rebuked the nations and destroyed the wicked;
you have blotted out their name for ever and ever.

6 Endless ruin has overtaken the enemy,
you have uprooted their cities;
even the memory of them has perished.

7 The LORD reigns forever;
he has established his throne for judgment.

8 He will judge the world in righteousness;
he will govern the peoples with justice.

9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.

10 Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

11 Sing praises to the LORD, enthroned in Zion;
proclaim among the nations what he has done.

12 For he who avenges blood remembers;
he does not ignore the cry of the afflicted.

13 O LORD, see how my enemies persecute me!
Have mercy and lift me up from the gates of death,

14 that I may declare your praises
in the gates of the Daughter of Zion
and there rejoice in your salvation.

15 The nations have fallen into the pit they have dug;
their feet are caught in the net they have hidden.

16 The LORD is known by his justice;
the wicked are ensnared by the work of their hands.
Higgaion. ^[b] Selah

17 The wicked return to the grave, ^[c]
all the nations that forget God.

18 But the needy will not always be forgotten,
nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish.

19 Arise, O LORD, let not man triumph;
let the nations be judged in your presence.

20 Strike them with terror, O LORD;
let the nations know they are but men.
Selah

Anyway, what I got from this Psalm was how rarely it is that I spend time giving thanks to God, like sincerely really giving thanks and praising Him for all that He has done in my life. I spent time trying to thank Him for stuff in life but found myself struggling to do that. Weird, yes. Maybe it was the long hot walk to school that kept me from being in a thankful mood, but it just may be one of those thing salso taht I have lost that I need to retrain myself to do. How often do we do that, like look at our life and think of how God has really given us every single thing in life. Everythign that is good and perfect is from God. Even the trials we go through. How often do we thank God for that? And I like also the last line of the psalm about how the Psalmist is asking God to remind the nations they they are but men. Who are we to begin with? We're not gods roaming this earth. We're but mere men and should always look to God with the utter respect He deserves.
I also read through a section of 1st Timothy 2 which seemed to go along with that psalm also.
My stud of Judges didn't really add anything new to my knowledge of the book. The only thing the commentaries pointed out was that it was usually the next generation of Jews that fell away from fearing God. Also, its amazing how long the book of judges takes place. It happens over almost 400 years! Four hundred years ago...America wasn't even discovered yet! So 400 years of people going to God and not passing it on....actually, there IS a thought. The next generation of Jews never really appreciated God for what He gave them. The previous generation recognized hwo they were saved by Him and how grateful they are that He didn't just wipe them off the face fo the Earth for sinning and rebelling. Yet the next generation didn't see God taht way. Why? Maybe they didn't really get trained up properly? Maybe the elders didn't share with teh kids what happened in a way that they would remember? I don't know. When people tell me that I should appreciate teh food we can get every day, I shrug it off and think the days of the 'war' are long gone and will never happen again. Yet I wonder why the students I have can't grasp teh idea that they should apprecaite having a computer, having the internet, having computer games, etc. Like, I want to slap half the people on the 'net and tell them to stop complaingin about the CGI in Hulk cause tehy should appreciate it for what it is compared to the CGI we had back in the days of the Jim Henson hour! Sigh. You see, when we tell the youth of today that they should be happy we can use drums during worship, they don't really internalize that as much as I do.
The poitn is, we shoudl look and see what God has done in others' lives, in our lives, in our friends' lives, and remember that He is the same today as He was back in the Bible times. God is the same and He never will let us down. We're always safe, we're alwya in His hands.

Pushed myself hard today to be excellent for the Lord, but also took time out to be with the students to remind myself that they are each gifts from God. Looking in all of their eyes and hearing each one laugh reminds me that God brought each one of them here and that what I do is to help them to become stronger and better leaders for Christ. That is why I work so hard. It's for each of them, it's because I believe in each one of them that they are going to bet he onest o change this world, to change the Philippines for Christ. Peopel may go to other colleges, but God told us to put this college up so that we can train teh next generation of youth leaders who will scare the secular world so much because of how on fire for God they are and how excelletn and strong they are in their work. They are the ones who will cause the paradigm shift that will make people once again really look up to Born Again Christians and say "those people are reflections of Christ." There's me rambling. But I love each and every one of them. Yes, there are days taht I wish God will move the hearts of some of my friends who have ended up in other colleges, especaily when I see the potential they have and how well a match they are with Messiah. But I trust that God is the one who brings people here, not me. And that means that His choise is waht is best.

So there are my thoughts for the day. I think this blogging each day for this month may help me to also decompress before I head out so that my head doesn't stay in "hyper work mode" the whole time.

Btw, I'm so proud of Matt :-) He's a college kid already and I see him already being a big brother to some of the guys here at the college, checking up on them and watching out for them.

Day before the storm...

Let me talk through this. The last tiem I wrote consecutively on Multiply was probably in February and March where I was doing a lot of praying about a major decision. When I came back from NY, I went with the decision, and my life is what you see it is today. My point is that I'm thinking that I need this a lot more than I think I did. Being able to write, to vent, to just open up completely to no one in particular online may be one thing that keeps me from falling apart. It helps me to calm down, keep emotions in check, and have proper retrospect so that I can put wisdom into practice.
So here we go. I'm going to be pushing myself really hard spiritually this month, starting tomorrow. I did a soft version of it today. I started off waking up early and reading a Psalm to ponder on as I walked to do ministry at Messiah. Once I got here, I sat down, prayed, read a devotional, and prayed some more. I then opened up my Bible and read a little bit of Timothy to think about some more. I finally listened to a sermon online for me to learn and get soem feeding from too.
It does feel like air after you've been drowning (which reminds me of how it was such a shock during the retreat when I dove in the pool and couldn't feel the bottom). But its' like that first breath you take from being submerged in a pool. You gasp for air, get air, but it's not as comforting as it should be. Mainly because my body has to throw out all that water and begin filling up with the right amount of air. Of course in the Christian life, there is no maximum amount of God. You just keep filling yourself and filling yourself. It was a good start today. This whole month is about reconnecting with God, finding that first love again, and defining who I am by who I am in Christ - not about what I've done and not about what ministries I'm involved in. It's gonig to stretch me a lot. I just know it.
So the goal tomorrow is to actually begin writing out what I've learned spiritually. Today, though, I learned that being salt means we have to affect the world around us. What's funny is that elder Dan Cura shared a devo about it a mere hour after I read it. It's like being the salt of the earth means that we have to affect that around us. Salt has no option. We have to choose to be salt and begin changing the world around us for Christ - flavoring that world and those people. If we get persecuted, even by those close to us, we should still nto stop because it is denying who we are - the salt of the earth and the light of the world.
There you go. That's today's little thought. Tomrorow should be a little more interesting. I'm going to miss a lot of people this month. But it's something that has to get done.

Standing for God,
Mark

watching a movie by myself

So it seems I'm giong to end up watching two really big movies by msyelf. Yeah, it's been awhile since I've done that. I think the last time I watched a movie by myself was Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix at Podium. Whatever. I'm going to watch Prince Caspian in an hour or so and then I might just walk into Hulk. Who knows? No one I know has the time to watch or no money. Ah, the plight of being a working person - only free when others aren't and always have money to spend. Isn't that what happens? Yup. It is.
So what happens when you watch movies by yourself?

Pros:
You get to rate the movie yourself and not get sucked into bad comments of your seatmate.
You get to sit anywhere in the theater
You get to analyze things on your own
You can walk out if it's a really bad film
You can pretend its your living room
No need to worry about getting everyone seated together
No need to worry that your friend has a bad seat
No need to worry that one of your friends didn't get to sit beside their crush
No need to worry about siting next to your crush
No need to worry about sharing popcorn

Cons:
You're alone, by yourself, with no body to cheer with or point to the screen and say "WOAH!!!"

Why am I watching by msyelf? Because I waited last time to find a group of people to watch I Am Legend with and couldn't find anyone cause everybody watched it na. Missed out on Speed Racer too. So there. I think it'll be good "Mark Time". Sigh. How sad. Ugh, this post was supposed to make me feel happy about watching a movie by myself, but I guess it backfired. Hmmmm...and of course my stupid phone. It apparently has stopped wanting to send texts unless I take the battery out muna and it also receives texts three or four hours late. Ay naku. I miss Aliza. I could call that girl up and just say "Hey, want to watch a movie?" and she'd say yes and we'd just go watch a movie. It's what we would do. It didn't matter what the movie was. One time we ate a dozen donuts together in teh theater during Happy Feet. So whatever. I really want to enjoy these movies and if I have to do it by myself then so be it.

Just some random thuoghts as usual

Wow, its' been forever since I've written on this blog. Just finished reading a coupe of people's blogs and it made me wonder why I don't write as muhc? I really should. Last night's Bible study was really good. Well, it was more of a prayer time. No time for Bible study cause we started really late. But we really had a good prayer time. I'm happy with what God did and has done through the regular meeting. I hope that it can continue on regardless of school.
So if any of you want, I mean, sure, you're all welcome to come. We have Wednesday Bible Study at 7:30pm at BMO2. I really think it has the possibility to grow, but we need people.
I just have been thinking about my spiritual life lately. I really want to and try to seek God each day, to experience Him. But do I? No, cause to be honest, I' not truly seeking all the time. There is that whole game we play of I hope I experience God today and get freaked out when we get close to experiencing Him and running away again. It's like a drug addict who is on the way to rehab. We want to break free, but once we see the hospital or rather, once the rehab center calls us, we don't pick up cause we're afraid of finally being free.
It's like bieng in a zoo. Think of this. There are animals who live their entire lives in zoos. They don't know what is outside. There is that innate feeling in all of them that there is something more, that this 'real' is not really reality. And then one day a man comes and asks us if we want to be free. Some animals say, "No, I like it here. I get to be lazy and ignore that the world outside exists. One day I will die here in this little cage, but so what? At least I got to enjoy myself." Sad. Never get to experience what they were made for. Other animals say, sure, open the gates. The man breaks the locks, looks at the animal and says, "You're free. Just follow me."
"What? We're free? Just like that? There must be a guy with a gun outside ready to shoot us!"
"No," the man says, "Just follow me. I'll show you the way to be free of these cages and this prison."
The animals begin following. Others laugh at them or tell them that they are being deceived as they walk by. The animals that are following the man get worried. "What if they are right?" This is when some animals get scared and run back to theri cages. The door is completely open. They can leave. But they are afraid to. The man helps the other animals to freedom, then he comes back and calls to the other animals that ran back to their cages. "Come, follow me, and I'll give you freedom."
"No, it's alright. I have freedom here. This is freedom, being able to do what I want. Folllowing you is not freedom."
"Tha'ts right," the other caged animals say, "I heard about these so called free animals. They live in what is called a circus. They dance and have to dress a certain way and are weird."
The man looks at the one animal hiding in teh open cage. "What do they know? They don't know me. You know me. You saw that I set you free. Follow me and you'll truly find salvation."
The animal stops looking at the man and soon can only hear his voice. The animal keeps hearing him and even covers his ears . Soon, he gets so annoyed at the man who keeps trying to set him free that he slams teh cage shut and says that he wants nothing to do wtih this man who granted him freedom. The man then stands there, staring at the cage, and taps on it softly and calls the animal by his true name. The animal fights and goes crazy, in hopes to scare the man. But he still sits there. Waiting. "Come to me," the man says. He even begins bringing the animal food and drink that tastes better than anything the animal ever tasted. Yet the animal stays in the cage.
"You put me here! You built these cages!" the animal says annoyed, trying to figure the man out. "It's too good to be true."
He sees some other animals come back from outside and tell the others animals in the cages that the man has set them all free and all they need to do is follow Him. He is good, tehy say.
"No!" they scream back. "You're different. I know animals like you."
Some other animals call out from theri cages, "I used to be like them, but now I came back here because I found out there was no freedom. Those hallways are an endless labyrinth. There is this clown that comes by with a big smile who says he's going to give us nicer cages, cages with tvs and other animals. I even heard of this one zoo where we get as many female animals as we want. We can do wahtever. Its freedom! We shoudl follow what the clown says and stay in these cages cause they are going ot be upgraded if we stay."
Despite all the mockery and the foolishness and the lies and the anger of that one animal, the man still stands at the cage door and knocks. "Follow me," he says. "You don't have to be here. These cages have no power over you anymore."

Think about that. That was written just now, no thoughts prior. I like it. It's a nice little start. Think about it. May you have a wonderful day!

Falling Slowly

Falling Slowly
From Once Soundtrack
Glen Hansard

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along



Oscar Acceptance

just a few thoughts again

The thougth blog! It's always me sharing myt hughts with added in typos for flavor. Lol. So, I was eating lunch and realized something funny. I've been going about this whole "are catholic christians?" all wrong. The way to explain it is by the socratic method. I wont' put it here cause I think I'm going to put it in ChannelS :-P People ask that question a lot kasi. Hopefully I don't get any flack from people when I say that Catholics in the Philippines are not the same as Christians. It's a touchy issue for many, but I realized a way to explain it without people thinking I'm a fanatic.
In other news, I've gotten back to being OC with writing to do lists every day and tackling each one from the list at a time. It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing stuff while at the same time not eeling overwhlemed. I'm getting the idea that this is definitely going to be somethign that wil help me get more work done and be more productive and be more efficient for the glory of God. I mean, look at that, I got my Y-Group lesson done already and I even got my Bible study for tonight done like yesterday. It's so cool.
So here's somethign I struggle with and I think it's something we all struggle with. Being confident in preaching the Bible. It's one thing to be not confident if you don't knwo waht the Bible says. It's another to be not confident when you know full well what the Bible says and what it stands on. We must speak with authority. Why? Because we're not the ones speaking. We're the messengers who have to give God's word to the people. It's not about us being offensive, it's about "THIS IS WHAT GOD SAID." ANd telling it naman in truth and grace and in love. But if someone says, "It's okay naman to look at pornography cause, well, hey, I'm not sleeping with girls, right?" It's like, you have to stand ad say NO. This is not okay. You can't be all nice about it. You have to let the Christian know taht he is messing up. "Dude, you're trippin'." But it also doesn't mean you kick him out of fellowship. You only do that if they are completely teaching things that are wrong all the time and even after being confronted with it several times. 1 Corinthians, you know.
Well, those are my random fun thoughts. See you around!

More late night thoughts

I'm beginning to feel like yuna where I write down random toughts at night for the simple fact that that is when I feel the most pensive lately.
So what's going on with my life? People never really ask me that anymore, you know? Rarely do people come and say, "Mark, tell me about you. What's happening in your life? Are you okay?" It's just one of those cultural things. "Kamusta ka na?" "Mabuti". Cultural. I've been thinking about my friends in the states a lot lately. Too bad I can't talk to them as regularly as I want to. It's so interesting how I was able to bond with them, with a lot of them, with only a one night conversation, yes, usually only an hour or so long. There are times I feel that no one here knows me enough or accepts me the same way that they do. But those are just feelings. Last weekend, I hung out with lots of people from church and I know it is every bit of the same way as my friends in NYC. I'm the kuya, and it's great. I'm the big brother also in the states. It's a nice feeling.
I guess my point is this: Camp Reunion is happening. It's the place for things to begin. I think it's time to begin taking steps to really bring change to my life and how I interact with people. I was just telling my y-group and even teh small group in links that we have to make each day count. I know i haven't done that at all. Each day, each moment with peopel should be cherished. I should make that memory wtih that friend be something that edifies them and builds them up. Sayang naman if you spend time with people and you don't guide them a little bit closer to God. Some of you may have noticed me acting differently since I came back from teh States. Others have not. I'm trying. I know it takes time. It's harvest time in NYC, it's still planting time here. It's going to take awhile, I know. But please be patient with me. I can only do so much if people don't meet me halfway. I have to stop thinking of what I can get out of a friendship and rather what I can give. How can I help? How can I use what God has given me to help you?
Just keep setting high standards and finding myself falling short. I dont have that many encouragers in my life here, I think. I'm always trying to pour encouragement and blessings and give of myself to everyone that I find myself running dry. There are those few who do encourage me and keep me going (and you know who you are cause, well, you'll realize I tend to go to you when I'm feeling down). Things just go so muchs lower here. It's hard waiting. If you have a disagreement with a friend, that can be like a month or more for it to be fixed up. But why can't it be fixed up right away? If people have ideas to start something, it seems to take forever also. I don't know, it's really a reflection on me. I need to have more initiative.
I'm not perfect. Trying isn't the same as doing. I want to make a difference. Please let me.

ramblings at night

You know there is no more time in the day when even Yuna stops blogging at 3 or 4am in the mornings every morning. I'm going through that weird state of mind where I want to sleep, feel the need to sleep, but refuse to sleep on account of not wanting to face another day. I'm so close to finishing my project to redecorate my cubicle. So far, I have gathered and edited around 300 pictures...roughly. In the total of 420 shots, all of my 300+ friends from around the world are present. It is going to look amazing! Either that or...it'll look like a scene from A Beautiful Mind :-P But whatever, it's going to look great. Whenever I think of all of you guys, my friends, etc. I remember why I do what I do. Hardships, heart aches, laughter, joy, sorrow...they are just things that strengthen friendships and bring so many more wonderful memories. Love all of you.
Am just trusting God now, day in and day out. Trusting God for what? Life. Just leaning on Him. It's hard waiting, sitting, going through the proverbial tides of the day. low tide we head to work, high tide we come home. It's just this routine of in and out, in and out. But it doesn't matter cause what matters is that we are workign for God. The Bible says that in everything we do, we do it for the glory of God and that whoever we work for, we must work as though for the Lord and not for man, because we are accountable and serving only God. Thsi means in school, review classes, summer classes, ministry, etc, etc, etc, we must give our best and see God there in front of us as we work each day. He is the one who renews our strength, yeah? Soar like eagles.
there's this one song by a band called Furthermore called Letter to Myself. I thnk I posted the lyrics here somewhere. It's such a sad song. But at the same time, it oddly carries such a happy memory. It was around the same time that I listend to it as when I read the second to last issue of the comic saga known as 52. Just, it's been practically a year. Kind of funny how you can come full circle. Camp reunion again and Iron Man coming.
Alright, i'm rambling. Night night.

Live your love

"I'm listening to a new song from heaven
I'm wide awake, yet dreaming of You
Though I'm not alone
I'm desperate without You
I see your mercy
Lord You are holy
I want to be more like You

Teach me to live Your love
Help me to give Your love
Show me Your way
Lord I'll obey
Your word and live Your love

I stand in awe, grateful remembrance
Press towards the goal
For the prize I must win
I've got my eyes focused upon You
Show me Your beauty
Cause Lord it's your goodness that makes me more like You

Holy wind, blow fresh
Your fire anew
Come breathe on my soul
Let my heart be for You
I've witnessed the light
And the power of Your might

Teach me to live Your love
Help me to give Your love
Show me Your way
Lord I'll obey
Your word and live Your love"

Brand New Day

Brand new day, brand new week. Going to completely remodel my cubicle. It's been too long since I've done that, so I'm going to sit down and probably download a ton of pics of friends in teh states and sift through the pics of friends here to use. Once I have them together then, I don't know, we'll see how it comes together. My wall will either look downright amazing or it will just be kind of blah. Lol. Until then :-) If anyone has any pics they really like of themselves that they'd want me to put up in my cubicle, send them to markymarker@gmail.com. Lol. Weird!

Pick up your cross...

Job said, after losing his family, his friends, his house, his animals, his servants, etc..."The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." How can we be like this? I remember I've been always talking about all these metaphors like stepping out of a boat and what not to walk on water. Well, just like me, Peter sank in the water, but this is why I must grab on to Jesus. Have to hold on to Him, follow Him, and be with Him above all. I shouldn't look at the world around me and get lost in it. It's so easy to succumb to sadness when things don't go the way we want them to. But the thing is that it is God's plan. Who is God ba? God is the one in control and He only gives us what is good. Therefore, why are we to complain? How can we tell God, "God, you are not fair!" We can't. "God, I've been serving you for years and years, giving up everything I've wanted for you, why?" But you see, the thing is that we must realize that if we accuse God of not being fair, it means that we expect God to be overridden by some sort of justice or morality. Isn't that funny cause God IS the measuremnet of justice and He is God.
I may have said this before, but this is new insights. Lance Hahn said that isn't it funny that Jesus says we shoudl pick up our cross and follow Him, yet never mentions putting it down? It's cause we are not supposed to put it down. We are to pick up our cross and walk with it and follow Him. THere shouldn't be all of this, "God, I need a break." "God, I can't do this anymore." It is calling to God for help, but we keep on carrying our cross for Him. Serving God with our life must be above all.
"I love you," said teh Lord, yet we ask him, "How have you loved us?" We acknowledge so much that God has done, yet we fail to rest in His love. Every time we sin, we say to Him, "Do you really love us?" It's our way of saying, 'I don't think you love me, that's why I'm committing this sin because i don't trust you that this is wrong for me."
Just trust God. Pick up your cross. On your feet, soldier. And walk out there serving Him with your life. Die to self, live through Christ. And if it means giving up everything - all my hopes, all my dreams, my loves, my burdens, my sadness, my joy, my comforts - then so be it because He gave His all for me.
The Lord gives and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Discipleship...

So here's a question for you - why is it that when it is camp, the youth get so charge up for God? Is it because they are psychologically set to be spiritually high? It's like watching a scary movie in the theatre compared to stumbling upon one on tv. On tv, it's not as scary because you havent' prepped yourself for it. In a theatre, you're ready to be scared. Is it the same way with youth camp? Are our hearts set to be filled by God or not? My point is that if our hearts are set to be filled by God at camp, then that is what happens - we get filled by God. We open our hearts up and we actively seek God. We want to be filled by Him. We want to be with Him. We seek Him and we find Him. So why isn't it like that regularly? Is it because when we leave the camp site, when we enter the normal routine world we grew up in, we turn the faucet off. It's like we stop seeking God, we stop looking for Him in every conversation and in every sermon. Is it that we don't call out to Him and open our hearts to Him anymore? Do we give into the distractions? It is up to you to seek God. If you go to camp and puposefully ignore all that is being said to you and worship half heartedly, what happens? You won't get that 'filling' that we all want. Isn't it the same during the week?
The other thing is, as leaders, we need to analyze ourselves. Are we giving our best only when it is youth camp? Are we actively seeking out the youth to help them, to talk to them, to be with them, to point them to Christ? Are we ready to witness and share the gospel as much as we are at camp as we are each day? When I go into my Y-Group to teach, I know I"m not giving my best. I ask for forgiveness every week, because I know I could have given so much more. Yet at camp, we are prepared. Speakers are ready to rock the world of everyone there. Why can't we be that prepared each Sunday? Why can't we say that we are gonig to make a difference each day to the point that we get minstered too? Do we give in to the busy body mentality and are involved in a million ministries, yet don't actually get to give our best in any of them? My best has to be for God. If I'm not giving it, I must ask what it is that I am doing wrong.
I've been thinking for awhile, actually, about dropping out of one ministry. Why? I've lost the passion for it. I look at it and I can see that anyone can take that spot and do just as good a job. I need to be there for people to really pour into the lives of others. I don't like giving up. It's more that God has a new calling for me. that chapter in my life is done. I'm still praying about it, but some of you will probably know about it in a week or so.
What can you do? What can you do each day to keep that, what we cal, spiritual high going? What can you do so taht your love for God stays strong always?

Meltdown...

"My name is the Flare, and I am a hero. And maybe it's not the job, not the life I always dreamed of. Maybe it is something I just fell into, and was afraid to risk walking away from. And maybe it's a job that's often lonely, and painful, and disappointing. And maybe sometimes none of it makes sense at all. But at the end of the day, it matters. It touches people. It changes lives. Even if only in small ways, tangential ways, it still makes a difference - still matters. And maybe, at times, I acted like a fool, or beat myself up over petty and stupid things, and maybe I was inconsiderate - even cruel - sometimes, but I think everyone does that. Everyone makes some bad choices. Everyone screws it all up now and then. The important thing is that, in the final analysis, in theshort time I was here on this planet, I helped. Helped a few people to live happier, live a little longer, maybe helped to change some small corner of the world just a little bit for the better. The important thing is I mattered." - The Flare, Meltdown #2

random thought of the day

" All I got to say is that I must have done something good." - Relient K

So I was just sitting down today and realized that a huge life changing moment is comign up in my life. Pretty much, how can you say it? Youth Camp is always the time for big things to happen. Youth Camp Time always equals the direction that the entire year is going to go in. It's kind of the beginning of everything, compared to Wrestlemania which is the end of everything. So it's the beginning. Now all I need to do is close my eyes, breathe in God and breathe out all the sin in my life and trust that what happens from this point on is in His will. Breathe in God's promises and exhale the doubt.

Camp, people. Where is your life going to go?

New blog for the day, last in nyc

So either my last blog entry was too long or too controversial or people just don't know how to reply. Lol. Anyway, the toilet video actually got my comments. But who can deny it when you've got a toilet that sings the ENTIRE TIME YOU USE IT. Imagine just sititng there and everyone in the entire apartment knows what you are doing. Just imagine it. The whole time. "Hey, you're taking a long time."

"Um, no, I just, uh, left the seat up."

"I thought you said you were just goign to wash your hands."\

"I will."

"Funny, cause I thought girls only washed their hands in the bathroom. I didn't know that they did other stuff too."

Okay, so anyway, randomness. I'm flying out in around 6 hours and it will take like 24 hours to get back to the Philippines. But this is all I want to say - I am excited that I am going to be going home soon :-) I miss everyone there so much. THe trip here was amazing and God blessed me so much and I just want to go back and share wtih all of you what happened. No, sorry, no pasalubongs. Had some other financial priorities (food, ahem, family, ahem, stuff I cant' buy in the Philippines that I can only buy here like clothes that actually fit me). But either way, I have this crazy crazy wacked out idea. But dont' you all start saying "I want to come" cause it defeats the purpose. All of my hair brained ideas usually have a 3% chance of actually coming to fruition. So I was thinkign it'd be funny to have like a comedy night wtih friends. Lol. Just sit there and watch comedians do stand up. It would be nice to just eat and laugh wtih people. THey say that laughing with people and having memories of laughter actually help you to bond closer. No, this is for friendships, not for relationships. That's a different story. Lol. Hahahahaha. I'm weird right now. I have to go through all my stuf again and make sure I'm not bringing anything bad on the plane. Anyway, I'll see you all in awhile. You all stay cool.

April Fools Jokes and Random Thoughts

So apparently teh Wall-E thing I mentioned last night was an april fool's joke. Had no idea. Good thing cause I love Wall-E just the way he is. And then the whole Jake Gyllenhal playing spider-man was another april fools joke from antoehr website. And Gmail did this whole thing of how now they can send emails back in time. Lol. It was funny. The worst part was that I was sooooooooooo gullible with all of them. Sigh. Good stuff.

So tomorrow is my last day in the USA. I fly out the following day. Has it been a good trip? Yes. It has been a real eye opening trip. Regardless of what happens when I get back - you can count on many changes. Regardless of how each of you react, I'm going to be a much better (God willing) Mark. I am Mark Del Rosario. God made me to be a certain person and I know that it is through being who I am that I truly can serve Him and bring the most glory to His name cause, after all, he made me to be this way. Sadly, after much thought, I don't think I've been the best person I could have been the past year. Being here again has opened my eyes. I found that so many people here in NYC love me just the way I are (lol). But the whole point is this - I was overly nice before and was considered kind of weird and out there during my first two years here. But then I remember I decided to just be me, after all wasn't it Peter who told me "Mark, you're not the same person I left?" when I was trying to be this serious non friendly mark? So I kept at it and now I see this harvest. I shouldn't get discouraged in the Philippines. See, there are so many times that I'm there in teh Philippines and I jsut want to pull people aside and ask them how they are doing and pray for them. But many times I get kind of faced with these odd reactions. I guess its me also. I tend to be afraid of rejection or people just not responding to me right. Heck, teh whole "hugging" thing already proves that people at gcf are just different from me. That's fine. I just want to be met halfway, you know? I hug people often, I understand if you don't, but it doesn't mean that we can't break those personal spaces some times, rigth?

I don't know if you guys are getting waht I'm saying. It's like I really want to invest in each of your lives, and some times that means doing things that people may interpret wrong and sometimes people may say "what's gonig on there?". Like I think I'll begin taking a more active role in shaping the lives of people in Messiah and GCF. I want to invest in all of you, I want to help each of you see God more each day. I want to inspire and encourage and edify people to serve God with their whoel lives. If that takes praying for each of you in person, if that takes taking you out to lunch, if that takes up my energy and my stregnth, if I can help one of you each day to devote your life to making a difference in teh Philippines, in your circle of influence for Christ - then it is totaly worth it.

How many people are in your circle of influence? Think about that. Think about it just for one moment. How many people did God bring in your life that you can affect negatively and positively? The truth is, if you sit down and thinka bout it, you may find that it can be from the mid fifties to the hundreds (there's school, church, family, etc). What are you doing to show God's glory in those areas? Do you use the gift, teh talents God has given you to increase His kingdom ten fold, or do you do like me and just bury it and use it for my own glory to say "I did a good job by not risking it".

Another insane thing to think about. What did it mean when Jesus said for us to pick up our cross? most Christians say it means to carry yoru burdens. But this is where context must reign. When did Jesus say this? What was going on? What was the culture like? Carrying your cross does not bring images of hope. The cross was not synonimous with salvation, hope, holiness, etc. It was death. If you are carrying a cross, teh cross beam, it means you are walking to die in the most humiliating shameful and painful way possible. Carry your cross for God. Be willing to die for Him. It means that you honestly see your life as Christ's and no longer yours. There was this one survey a teacher took in his 3rd grade class. He asked his students, "how do you get to heaven?" All the kids guessed and the teacher kept shaking his head until one student said confidenly "I know what you have to do first to go to heaven." What's that? "You have to die first." That is one of the cutest yet most profound statements I have ever read a child saying. We must die first. Jesus must be Lord of our lives. We so easily see Christ as our savior, the one who saves us from sin. But is He Lord of our life? Do we say that our life is his, do we lay our life as a holy pleasing sacrifice down on the altar each day and say "God, this is yours. take me life and use it." Or do you do like me where I say, "Hold on, let me just take my life back for a moment and I'll return it to you later." OUR LIFE IS NOT LIKE A SET OF CAR KEYS THAT WE CAN JUST BORROW FROM OUR HEAVENLY FATHER WHEN WE WANT TO GO JOY RIDING. We must decide. And again, I am one of the biggest hypocrites here because I know that I do that all the time. I struggle with that. I find myself regularly going to God and saying, "uh, remember my life? I'll just take it back for awhile. Can you go stand over there and turn a blind eye to the sin that I'm going to commmit? Thanks. Don't worry, you'll never notice." And like a kid who smashes his parents car, we try to cover up the scratches and the dents so they won't notice. What are we doing? Seriously, what are we doing with our lives?

I find it such a sad thing when I see Christian youth not living to their full potential in Christ. God has given you a family that is Christian. God has given you a college or church environment that is strongly Christian. Yet are you glorifying Him? Are you living yoru life in excellence so that people look at you and say "Wait a minute, everyone is slacking off and this guy over here is giving a 110% and not complaining while others are giving nothing. Yet he is not being stepped on or being used - he's actually encouraging the others and pushign them to get involved too." God has given you your life. God has given each of us our lives. Let's not squander it. Let's not live in the background and under the radar. Do not waste the life God has fought so hard and died for to give you. You told me you would give it to me over 3 weeks ago, and you never did. you know who you are. I love you and I want the best for you and that is why I need to be hard on you (because if I don't, I'm just as much to blame). Where are our priorities? If we are to give God a holy and pleasing sacrifice of our lives, aren't we supposed to be giving our best? Or are we like the Israelites after exile where they sacrificed the lame and the deseased animals to God cause they didn't want to "waste" their prize possesions?

I would always spend time blogging abotu stepping out of the boat like Peter, right? It took me three weeks here to realize I've been wrong. I should not be wondering "will I sink or stand?". Peter didn't think that way. All that mattered to Him was this - Is God Calling Me? WHen Christ calls - I go. End of the story. Whatever else happens is His will. What matters is that I don't take my eyes or ears off of Him. Because once I start looking around me and worrying about how it is I'm going to be walking on water, that is the moment I begin trusting myself and tryign to interpret circumstances instead of relying on God's voice.

Thank you for listening. See you in a few days.