Day 7

Been listening to two switchfoot songs today - Learning to Breathe and On Fire. Think it's appropriate considering all that's been happening the past few days.

Learning to Breathe
Hello, good morning, how ya do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
This is the way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never thought I could fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
That I say I love You
This is the way
That I say I'm Yours
This is the way
This is the way

On Fire
Tell you where you need to go
Tell you who you need to be
Tell you what you need to know
Tell you when you’ll need to leave

But everything inside you knows
Says more than what you’ve heard
So much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

Chorus:
And you’re on fire
When he’s near you
You’re on fire
When he speaks
You’re on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be... (near you)

Cause everything inside looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I’ll take

Chorus:
When I’m on fire
When you’re near me
I’m on fire
When you speak
And I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I’m standing on the edge of me (x3)
I’m standing on the edge

Chorus:

And I’m on fire
When you’re near you
I’m on fire
When you speak
(yea) I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries..

The past four days have really been interesting. Devos are up and down. I'm still trying to read through Judges, but it's getting kind of monotonous, or rather, teh feeling that I know these stories already are kicking in. I guess that's why Learnign to Breathe is just an appropriate song for right now. Trying to learn to breathe in God again instead of falling into just studying HIs word and not looking at His Face. You know, I need to remember who's Word it is that I am reading.

Sunday was a good day. I got to see a lot of friends again. Didn't really get to hang out, but it was fun to just be with Strong, Barbie, Jonathan, etc. Saturday was good too. Hugn out with Najee and Carmela and the bunch. Friday was good too. Went to Victory to just see what church there was like - reminding myself of just how big the body of Christ is. Many times we can get stuck in the mindset that we are the only ones in the body of Christ. Or we get stuck in the US and THEM mentality which is also wrong. We need to see that God is moving eveywhere and that each of us have different roles. What is important is that we do our best in those roles given to us. We have to think bigger, realizing all the time just how big the body of CHrist is. That way we can work together to bring Him the glory and to make people wonder what it is about all these believers that makes us so different? The thing is - you have to show that Christ is real, and that is only done when you love Him and love your neighbor. Anyway, it was nice worshipping with Dawn, Kitchie, Glo Anne, and Joy. They said they might come by GCF this Saturday at 6pm to join our two hour praise and prayer night. Hope the other Messiah students could come too.

I also had a good talk with Brian the other day. He's always a good person to talk to if you want to have meaningful deep conversations.

So what am I doing or what have I learned today? Let me explain it this way: There is a website out there that just plays white noise. that's it. It's called SimplyNoise.com. There is, oddly enough, a sort of peace when you just sit there and hear this white noise playing. In the same way, our worldly self looks at God as noise, but really, God's not. It starts off liek that. Agh, noise to our day, challenges to our way of life. But soon we find peace in this apparent 'noise'. Eventually, we realize it's not noise, it's a song. And you hear how God moves in that song, you see His song being played everywhere by everyone who is a believer. You see the universe singing praises to Him. And then you realize that which you thought was everything - the world - is distracting you from taht which you love the most - God's voice. Gets?

I just wish that I could be like that more, just pause, relax, and say that I am resting in my Savior. I want to just pause and breathe in and out, and just thank Him for all that He has done. It's something that you need to do, you know? I think I'm goign to do that later on the way home. Going to stop off somewhere for just around 20 minutes and thank God and dwell on all he has done.

I just don't understand why people look at God and just go, "Heh, I don't believe you exist." It's like, it's just so sad. He's everythign that they are looking for, wanting, and yet they reject Him. They don't want to give their life to Him, the one who will take care fo them best. How have you loved me? how do I know you haven't lied? How do I know you are even real? how do i know you're not just a hallucination? how do I know that there is anything after death? how do I know that Jesus was Christ? So many questions, so many doubts...it reminds me of when Jesus came. The intellectuals of the day refused to see Christ that way. It was the people who went to Him to really see who He was that were the ones who really knew Him. Maybe that's what they mean by child like faith? You trust God at His word. At the same time, I guess it all boils down to people not wanting to accept that they don't rule their own lives - that either Sin rules or God rules. it's like people will say finally, "Okay, God exists and Jesus is teh only way...maybe." Sigh. It's so sad and it really wounds my heart seeing it and hearing it. I wish that God could just do something - but then I realize He DID do soemthing. He sent Jesus to die for us. It's like people say, "so? do it again." I'm just really saddened right now thinking of it. How are we supposed to bring people to Christ when they don't want Him? Just many thoughts.

How sinful are we? I think each day of all the sins I commit each day. There are so many sins on the menu. Some sins are so easy to tell if you're using it and others are more sublminal. You can be the leader ofa ministry and be dwelling in sin as much as the guy who gets drunk every night. They are just different sins. Yet, despite all the sins out tehre, despite all the sins we commit, God still loves us. He loves us so much that He encourages us to get better. But we can't, cause sin stops us. We an't break free unless we have the Holy Spirit in us. It is in this that we have the victory. We are free of the chains, we are free of the sin. It suddenly becomes our choice to either obey God or to disobey Him. Unlike before, we were just a slave to sin. Now we have the choice. Do we follow God or choose death? Aaaahhh...and then the world comes in and says, "you will not surely die if you sin..." Yeah, eating poison every day won't kill you. As Pastor Lance says, "A litte sin today means more bondage tomorrow." I suddenly realize why it says we should not give the devil a foothold. We need to keep our lives clear and clean of him. Yet, we forget to let God have a stornghold, to let God be our castle, our rock, our strong tower, our fortress, our deliverer. We think we can do it all on our own. Our castles keep sinking in teh bog of sin, yet we keep building new castles instead of building them on Christ. Is Jesus the ruler of your life? Is He really King? If He is, maybe we should all strive to act like it, to show it, to live it, to really have Him as Lord every single day and moment.