Jolted awake

So i woke up this morning at 5am, tossed and turned some more and decided to spend time with God on a certain matter that I literally woke up in a cold sweat about.

I decided to read several passages, and God reminded me that I should always go to Him in prayer about everything,do not be anxious and all that. So I read through several chapters of the Bible as/after I prayed. And God showed me two passages. one is where he said that the Holy Spirit shall speak for you (context wise, it's about defending the faith), which reminded me that God can speak for me, it's not me. But what I found really interesting is three passages that just came in a row. Jesus did three miracles: he healed a lame person, he brought Matthew into his Disciples from being a tax collector, and he brought a dead girl back to life. Matthew's calling definitely reminded me that if God calls, we follow. No matter what, don't ask questions still and all that. But what's crazy about these three incidents which happen sequentially is that timing was just off. (it's in Matthew, btw).

look at this: Jesus healed the paralyzed guy after he had to leave the cemetery because the pig farmers told him to leave. He 'wasn't supposed to be there. I can just imagine the disciples saying to Jesus, "Hey, come on, don't be healing people now. We just got kicked out of a village. you might get us kicked out again and - oh, great, now you just made the pharisees angry". Then with Matthew, Matthew was in a tax collector's booth when he was called. It meant that it's probably the middle of the day, he's still working, and Jesus just calls him. he didn't wait till it was the end of the day as Matthew was closing up shop. Then we fast forward to when Jesus brings the girl back to life. The girl was dead! If it was us, we would have gone there BEFORE she died and healed her. So, the point is this, after spending roughly an hour praying and reading the Bible, God reminded me that His timing is perfect and our timing may not be according to His will. His timing may seem foolish to us, but it is actually wise. We know that if any of hte above incidents didn't happen that way, God may not have been glorified the way He would have.

I don't know, I'm honestly just rambling now. But it's scary when you wake up with something heavy on your mind and you just can't breathe and want to cry at the same time. This hasn't happened to me in a long time. Guess big life altering decisions do that to you, right? Lol. So now what? I don't know. We'll see. I just follow God cause He is the one who shows the way and I need to trust that His way is best and nto complain that I'm spending another "40 years" in the desert by taking the "long route".