More late night thoughts

I'm beginning to feel like yuna where I write down random toughts at night for the simple fact that that is when I feel the most pensive lately.
So what's going on with my life? People never really ask me that anymore, you know? Rarely do people come and say, "Mark, tell me about you. What's happening in your life? Are you okay?" It's just one of those cultural things. "Kamusta ka na?" "Mabuti". Cultural. I've been thinking about my friends in the states a lot lately. Too bad I can't talk to them as regularly as I want to. It's so interesting how I was able to bond with them, with a lot of them, with only a one night conversation, yes, usually only an hour or so long. There are times I feel that no one here knows me enough or accepts me the same way that they do. But those are just feelings. Last weekend, I hung out with lots of people from church and I know it is every bit of the same way as my friends in NYC. I'm the kuya, and it's great. I'm the big brother also in the states. It's a nice feeling.
I guess my point is this: Camp Reunion is happening. It's the place for things to begin. I think it's time to begin taking steps to really bring change to my life and how I interact with people. I was just telling my y-group and even teh small group in links that we have to make each day count. I know i haven't done that at all. Each day, each moment with peopel should be cherished. I should make that memory wtih that friend be something that edifies them and builds them up. Sayang naman if you spend time with people and you don't guide them a little bit closer to God. Some of you may have noticed me acting differently since I came back from teh States. Others have not. I'm trying. I know it takes time. It's harvest time in NYC, it's still planting time here. It's going to take awhile, I know. But please be patient with me. I can only do so much if people don't meet me halfway. I have to stop thinking of what I can get out of a friendship and rather what I can give. How can I help? How can I use what God has given me to help you?
Just keep setting high standards and finding myself falling short. I dont have that many encouragers in my life here, I think. I'm always trying to pour encouragement and blessings and give of myself to everyone that I find myself running dry. There are those few who do encourage me and keep me going (and you know who you are cause, well, you'll realize I tend to go to you when I'm feeling down). Things just go so muchs lower here. It's hard waiting. If you have a disagreement with a friend, that can be like a month or more for it to be fixed up. But why can't it be fixed up right away? If people have ideas to start something, it seems to take forever also. I don't know, it's really a reflection on me. I need to have more initiative.
I'm not perfect. Trying isn't the same as doing. I want to make a difference. Please let me.